My Father's Day Tribute

A father is supposed to be the first boy a girl loves. And mine was.

A father is supposed to protect and love with abandon. Mine did. And then he didn't.

I've spent many years focused on the "didn't" part. Choosing to forgive and focus on the "did" has changed my life.

I choose to remember my dad as kind and caring, because he was. I choose to remember that when he had to make a choice late in life, he chose me. He. Chose. Me.

I choose to remember how funny he was and didn't even know it.

I choose to remember how he taught me to ride a bicycle and drive a car, or actually a truck, since that's what he drove. He taught me how to love someone who is dying. He taught me the meaning of perseverance when faced with a choice of giving up. He taught me the importance of life-long friendships.

I choose to be thankful he took me to church every time the doors were open. Because of his, and my mother's faithfulness, I gave my heart to Jesus at the age of five.

I choose to remember our long talks on the back porch as he prepared to die.

I choose to remember his face as he breathed his last breath. If that's the face of looking at Jesus on the other side of eternity, then I want to follow him.

Thank you, my precious dad, for allowing me to find you again.

When the Shepherd Teaches Through Sheep

When I married at the age of eighteen, my family increased with not only a husband, but his parents, and a younger sister and brother. My new in-laws loved me as a daughter. I snuggled into the warmth of their family like a baby in a blanket. My father-in-law and I had an unspoken bond of love. At our wedding, he told my new husband, his son, he'd better take good care of me.

Bronson, my father-in-law

The first time we met was in a diner in Montgomery, West Virginia while we were still in college. He was working close by and met us for supper. The stories I'd heard of how he was a rough and tumble man who worked hard, said few words, but carried a great presence, were right on target. I was terrified of him from the first handshake. The description in my mind increased after our first introduction.

As time went along and I got to know him, a different man appeared. His tender side emerged every spring, along with his green thumb. There was nothing that man couldn't do with a pile of dirt, some seeds, and a little water. He also loved his family. His generosity and kind heart showered his girls with the largest box of chocolate to be found on Valentine's Day.

Lucy, fresh from the farm

This man I was so afraid of in the beginning of my relationship with his son did something that has taught me many life lessons. He went turkey hunting in the mountains of West Virginia every spring where they had a small camp. One of the neighbors was a local farmer. Bronson, my father-in-law always stopped to visit before he left. One of his sheep had died, leaving a set of twins the farmer was feeding with a bottle. For whatever reason, my father-in-law thought of me. I got the surprise of my life when he pulled in my driveway and got out of the truck carrying two of the sweetest creatures God ever made, with the biggest grin plastered across his face. I was never afraid of him again.

My life as a shepherdess was born that day.

This spring, my Friday morning Bible study group studied the book, Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst. One of the chapters was titled, I Am the Good Shepherd. It was my favorite because of my season of shepherding. It was easy for me to picture the references and apply them to myself.


The words of Psalm 95:6 jumped off the page:

"Come let us bow down in worship,

let us kneel before the Lord our maker;

for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture,

the flock under His care."

A sheep has to fold its front legs to lay down. It looks as if the sheep is kneeling. It's knees are rough and calloused where the wool has been rubbed off from kneeling.

Lucy, with two lambs of her own

Scripture says, "we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care." We are to kneel in worship.

As I read the words on the page, I pictured my own knees. Are they rough and calloused from kneeling in worship? Do I submit myself to His care or do I try to meet my own needs? Do I recognize Him as my God? I must submit myself in humility before true worship can take place. I must understand that everything comes directly from His hand. He is my provider, my protector, and without Him I am nothing. I am exposed to danger, to unseen elements that only He can protect me from. Do I truly understand what it means to be under His care?

Another thing I learned is that He loves me and you tenderly and lovingly as a shepherd loves his sheep. Just as I discovered I had no reason to be afraid of my father-in-law, I need not fear God and His plan for my life. My awe of Him, my worship of Him, yes, but not the kind of human fear that causes distrust.

My prayer is that I have knees that tell the story of how much I love Him. I am so thankful for gifts of love from unexpected places from people He placed in my life, even hard-headed sheep to teach lessons that last a lifetime.

What are the unexpected gifts you've been given that have taught you a life lesson? Nothing of value is wasted. Everything we go through, good or bad, can be used to strengthen us and then we can pass it on to another.

Dear Dad…What My Father's Day Card Would Say Today

Anyone who's lost a parent can identify with me on special holidays such as Mother's Day and Father's Day. It doesn't matter if you had a great relationship or a stormy one, these days evoke emotions in the core of our being. If we're honest with ourselves, we'll face our feelings, deal with them and live a healthy life, emotionally, that is.

If your relationship was one that was deep and meaningful, you treasure the memories you have and recall them with fondness. If not, you stumble through life with a hole in your heart.

For many years it was difficult for me to choose a Father's Day card. They were sappy and filled with lines such as, "You were always there for me," and, "I can always look up to you." I'd walk around the Hallmark store reading each one carefully until I found the perfect card that expressed my feelings…very difficult as I said.

While I knew my dad loved me, I questioned many things he did after my mom died, which shattered my trust, and eventually I came to question his love for me. We also didn't communicate well and that contributed to the breakdown in our relationship.

Because of the sovereignty of a loving God, my relationship with my dad was healed before he died. If I could send him a card today it would read something like this…

My husband and Dad at the only game he would
ever attend of his beloved WV Mountaineers

Thank you Dad for marrying a wonderful woman, my mom. Thank you for loving her completely, not perfectly, but faithfully and unconditionally for seventeen years until she went to meet Jesus. Thank you for taking care of her, for carrying the burden of her illness for ten long years, emotionally, physically, and financially. You paid a high price for losing a wife at a young age.

Thank you for taking me to church where I was taught about a savior, named Jesus. I met that savior personally in the basement of our little church when I was five years old. It gave me a foundation that would establish a pattern for my life. 

Thank you for giving me happy, early memories and shielding me from the ugliness of cancer. Thank you for making me feel safe. Thank you for your discipline…like the time I had to go to bed early, while everybody else was still outside playing, because I rode my bike in the street. I remember you tucking me in bed, telling me you loved me, but I had disobeyed.

Dad and Bailey celebrating her second birthday

I'm sorry we lost our way when you remarried.

Thank you for loving my children unconditionally and abundantly. They adored you. They were the life line that brought us back together. Children have a way of doing that. Thank you for remembering their birthdays and making them feel special with a trip to their favorite fast food joint. I'm not sure if I should thank you for all the candy you fed them. I turned my head on those days. Mom would have loved it since she worked for a dentist.

Thank you for trusting me, and my family to care for you and love you when you needed family most. I will never forget our time together. Every day, every hour was planned by God to knit our hearts back together again.

Andy and Dad at Christmas circa 1992

But most of all, my dearest Daddy, I want to thank you for your humility and your heart. It took a big man to admit he was wrong, that he made many mistakes. 

I'm so thankful for the man I called my dad. His memory will live on in his final, "I love you's, and his final hugs. And the way he could say, "awe shucks."

We still laugh at how he could never call my cat by the right name. Her name is "Livvy," but he called her, "Liddy, Libby, Linny and several other versions. He brought laughter to our home for a year and we will never forget him.

It took too many years for me to find the right card for my dad…I'm sorry I had to write this too late for him to read it.

Don’t wait too long to tell those you love how you feel. Offer and receive forgiveness where needed. Your dad won’t always be here to read your words or hear your voice. Trust me on this one.

Have a blessed Father’s Day,

Cindy