Pondering Life...to Choose or Not to Choose

I do my best thinking when I'm staring at water. It can be a pond or lake, but I prefer the ocean. The rhythmic sound of waves crashing to the shore does something deep in my soul.

I was at the beach for a writing week recently. It was one of those wrapped up in a blanket kind of days. Coffee was involved. Perfect combination.

I was deep in thought as I watched the waves roll in over and over. It occurred to me as I sat mesmerized by the repetition, that water doesn't have a choice about its ebb and flow.  The sand and seashells are carried along by the whimsey of the current. They certainly can't say, "I want to go this way or that way."

And the beautiful sunrise I can expect on a clear morning...does it have a say in where it rises and sets? Does it determine the length of its days? The clouds can't position themselves to look like cotton candy as the sun is setting in the western sky.

All of it was created, and is controlled, by a holy God. He spoke and it appeared.

Staring at the ocean reminds me of the vastness of God and the smallness of me.

As my thoughts continued to wander, I naturally thought about people. We're made in His image, His likeness. Even the angels are curious about us.

It was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look. 

1 Peter 1:12 ESV 

We can choose how we live, where we live, and who we live with. It's our decision. We don't choose the family we're born into, but after a certain age you can choose to leave.

The most important choice we'll ever make though, is the one to accept or reject Jesus Christ. We were made for Him. He breathed His very breath into Adam and inflated his lungs for the first time. That fact alone ought to signify the intimate relationship He longs to have with us. But, He wants us to choose Him freely, because of our love for Him.

That one choice in our lives controls our destiny, both now, and for all eternity. It's more important than the person you marry, the place you live, the school you attend, the car you drive or the zeroes on your bank account.

Don't stumble through life without making this choice. It won't always be easy. It will rarely be easy, but, it will be worthwhile.

When you go to the beach the next time, let me know your thoughts. I'd love to hear what you think when you sit wrapped in a blanket and ponder life.

Cindy

My Love of Words and the New Year

It's no secret I love words, both spoken and written, but especially written. I love writing words and reading words. My favorite genre is biographies/memoirs. People fascinate me.

A recent Oswald Chambers' devotion was on the topic of words. He quoted Jesus, from John 6:63,

"The words I speak to you are spirit and they are life."

Oswald goes on to say, "God speaks to us, not by visions and dreams, but by words."

In the Bible, the book of John begins with Jesus being introduced as "The Word." He was with God in the beginning, the Word was God.

We have a responsibility to share our words, to communicate with people about, "The Word."

Words are powerful, they can heal and forgive. Words can teach and cause a heart to turn toward home. Words can hurt as well, and I've spoken my share. 

I've been looking back on the past year, but also looking ahead to the new year. I still don't have my "one word" for 2015. I'm a little slow. I do know I want to use this space to communicate my love for the One who spoke the stars into the sky, the One who prayed for me and all who would believe in Him in John 17, and the One who spoke words of salvation to a thief hanging next to Him as they both died on crosses. His words have the power to heal, save, forgive, and transform. My words can only point you to Him.

I hope though, I can encourage you in some way as I share a small part of my life, the good, and the not-so-good. And I hope my words have ministered to you this past year.

As always, thank you for reading. You bless me with your words.

Blessings in 2015,
Cindy

Unto Us a Son is Given

My boy had a birthday this week and oh, how it brought back memories. Years and years of waiting for a child can be heart wrenching.

Infertility is a cruel friend. It visits every month and leaves you lonely and empty. There's the empty womb, the empty nursery, and the gaping hole in your heart. It holds you captive and taunts you at baby showers and other social gatherings as your friends and family rejoice with each new birth. You hold your smile until you can politely escape, then the tears explode all over your face. It destroyed my already fragile self esteem.

And then when you think all hope is gone, God gives you a miracle. He provides in such a way, you know it's from His hand.

My baby boy was born right before Christmas, and I dare say He was, and is the most precious gift I've ever received at this time of year. The sting of infertility lost its power over me. A little one now filled a nursery planned just for him, and the hole in my heart was filled and overflowing with a love that only a mother can understand.

When Claire, the missionary, placed him in my arms in Guatemala, he smiled at me and his one dimple buckled in his cheek. It was a moment forever etched in this momma's heart. He was seven pounds of true love.

Another baby was born long ago under the sign of the star in Bethlehem. He was the long-awaited Messiah, though no one treated Him as such. God Himself, in the form of a baby, came to set us free from the sting of sin. He was born to fill in the gaping holes of loneliness and emptiness in every human heart and soul. He was born to die so we might live. There is no greater love than this. Not even a mother's love can compare to His perfect love.

I've tried to imagine Mary and her role as His earthly mother, how she must have felt throughout His life. I can't imagine, however, watching my son die for the sins of someone else. But, she did. She was there when He was crucified. A mother's love is fierce and can do what it needs in the face of adversity.

He made provision for her as well by asking the apostle John to look after her, the compassionate son to the end.

As I told Andy in his birthday card, I say the same thing every year. I told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him.

I wonder if Jesus and Mary had their moments, mother and son, when she told Him how proud she was and how much she loved Him. After all, He was God's greatest gift to mankind and she was a witness to His ministry from the beginning.

Mary had no idea that generations and generations of people would celebrate her son's lowly birth. She knew He was special and she was called to a special task, but she would never know the lasting impact of future Christmases because of her journey to Bethlehem. She would never know the gazillions of dollars spent to promote His birth. What would she think?

What is Christmas to you? Do you try to fill it with lights and trees and food and endless shopping? If you do, there will still be a gaping hole in your heart.

The message of Christmas is very simple...

A baby was born who would grow up and die on a tree so we might have the gift of eternal life. He made the ultimate blood sacrifice to have a relationship with a holy God. We celebrate His birth to remind us of the bigger story. Just like my son is not a baby anymore, neither is Jesus. He's alive and He's coming back for us. Our days are numbered. Our calendar, that began with his birth, is moving toward That Day.

"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

Don't get caught up in the presents that you miss His Presence.

Merry Christmas,
Cindy

P.S. My blog post this week is dedicated to Mr. Joe Pinson, who went to be with Jesus on Andy's birthday. He will be celebrating with the King of Kings in person this Christmas. He was one of the most special people I've ever met and I will miss him terribly. He was a faithful reader and encourager of people. But most importantly, a follower of the great I AM.

And Now We are Five...Meet Cameron

When children enter your world, life takes on new meaning. Strollers, diapers, and scheduled feedings give way to cheerleading, soccer and piano practice. One day you turn around and she's coming through the door waving her left hand with lots of bling.

Along the way, you've been sending prayers to heaven on her behalf. You've asked the God you love to protect her, guide her, and guard her heart. You've prayed for the direction of her career, her teachers, her friends, and her life mate.

The entire time you're praying it seems like it's, "some day."

For my little girl, "some day," came this past year.

And four became five...

Cameron waltzed into her life and swept her off her feet. It was a storybook romance. They dated a short time and married this summer. I'm now a mother-in-law...a title I hadn't prepared myself for, but am enjoying.

As the holidays are upon us we have to navigate the blending of traditions with two families for the first time.

My new son-in-law and I sat down recently for lunch and I thought I'd share some of our conversation...with his permission of course.

As I've gotten to know him better, I've come to realize he is an answer to one of the prayers for my girl. And I give thanks.

Cameron grew up in Anderson, had a similar childhood as Bailey. He describes himself as, "extremely strong willed." (For anyone reading who has a child with a similar disposition, please be encouraged by what you're about to read.) He has two older brothers and says, "I really had three daddies because of the age difference between me and my brothers." There are seven years between him and his middle brother, Timothy.

He was active in sports as a young boy. Football and wrestling were his primary sports where he was a Three-Year Letterman in Football at Westside High School earning All-Region and All-Area his senior year. He was a Four-Year Letterman in Wrestling earning All-Region and All-Area twice in his high school career. He was runner-up in the SC State Wrestling Tournament his senior year.

His oldest brother, Stephen, went to The Citadel and Cameron says by sixth grade he knew he too, wanted to follow in his brothers' footsteps and attend this prestigious school. He loved the structure and discipline of their program. He said, "If you didn't pass you were the only one to blame."

Cameron with his second love

His childhood dream was realized when he entered The Citadel as a freshman knob. Cameron knew from the day he set foot on campus there was one more goal to be accomplished...The Summerall Guards. His brother, Stephen, was part of this elite group of men. This is a strenuous, six month training program, designed to weed out the weak. Cadets are not eligible until their junior year of study. Hundreds begin, sixty-one men are chosen at the end of the training period. Their service begins the first day of their senior year with a grand ceremony, a passing of the torch from one class to another.

Not only did Cameron pass all the tests and make the Guards, but he was elected to the same position as his brother of Supply Sgt., number three in rank. They are the only brothers in Citadel history to hold this position.

Cameron said The Cidadel prepared him for life. It taught him structure, discipline and responsibility. He is also a man of great faith. He was raised in a home where discipline, faith in God, and love went hand in hand. He said his mom and dad were a team. He trusted their advice on everything.

You may ask why I tell you all these things about my new family member. Well, there are several reasons. I write about family, my faith, my journey...the struggles AND the joys. My life has been a series of pain and happiness, joy and sorrow, thankfulness and regret. I've written a lot lately about my pain. I decided it was time to rejoice in something good. Cameron has been good for Bailey. As they say to one another, "They are God's provision for each other."

If you are in the throes of parenting, don't give up or in. The days of diapers and carpools will end quickly. Be on your knees, for one day you'll be watching her walk down the aisle or come out the side door and their short life will flash before your eyes. You'll say to yourself, "Did I do everything, teach everything, did I, did I, did I?"

My advice to you now that I'm on the other side is love them and be there for them. Pray for them. Ultimately, God is their keeper. He knew the intention of my heart and He knows the intention of yours. And in those times when we can't pray, His spirit does. He utters the prayers that we are too weary and broken to pray over our children. So be faithful and He will provide what your child needs when they need it.

He did for mine.

Thanksgiving is a time to remind us to count our blessings, to draw our attention to the One who provides, who heals, who protects, who saves.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Happy Thanksgiving,
Cindy

When Bad Things Happen, Be Thankful

We often hear people ask the question, "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?"

This is a deep theological question that leaves most of us with our mouths gaping and no answer. We're rendered speechless and refer them to the local pastor or some kind of book, such as James Dobson's book on the subject. In fact, volumes have been written in an attempt to answer this dilemma that stretches back to the beginning of time.

I was reading Oswald Chambers this week and this sentence jumped out at me…

"Why shouldn't we experience heartache?"

He goes on to say, "Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God's purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" Oswald Chambers

Ouch. I'm guilty of self-pity. And I don't like pain. How many of us do? I'm afraid I've collapsed at the door of pain many times and prevented my healing. 

He also describes a God who uses tough love on us to produce a child who can eventually, "arise and shine." His methods will differ with each child, just as we parent our children based on their personality and temperament. But we can rest in His unchanging and unconditional love while in the process.

I'm not there yet. I've a ways to go.

I'm beginning to understand how He can use a broken vessel much better than one that's never even had a crack. If you've never had a need, how can you empathize with one who's hurting. As He has put me back together, I want the affects of His love and mercy to pour through me and touch those whom I come into contact. There has to be a purpose for the messy life or it was all in vain. I don't believe He would've allowed it unless He planned to use it.

So this Thanksgiving season, I'm going to raise my hands in surrender and thank Him for a messy, broken life. He can use it however He chooses. 

How about you? Have you been broken and asked the question, "why?" You've done all the right things, played by the rules and life hasn't been fair? 

I've asked God that question my entire life and He was silent until now. Your answer will be different from mine. It's alright to ask, He's big enough for our questions.

Just know He loves you with a love that is holy and surpasses anything the human mind can perceive and He will be faithful. His promises have stood the test of time. And when He's finished, you'll be thankful for the brokenness, for without it, you wouldn't have needed Him as much.

Cindy