A Birthday to Remember, But No Tears This Year

She would've been 80 years old today; my mother, the woman who gave birth to me, nurtured and molded me, and then died when I was fifteen years of age, and she, 38. She lives forever young in my mind.

Her eyes never aged to wear glasses and her hair, when she had it, had only a few gray streaks. It didn't glisten white like that of her beautiful sisters; though I can imagine what she would've looked like because of them. She was never mother-of-the-bride, and therefore, never held a grand baby. She never celebrated a silver wedding anniversary or felt the emptiness of her children leaving the nest.

But, her days were fulfilled as God planned them. Her life was complete in His eyes.

Memories are an interesting thing. They occupy a considerable part of the brain. They hold court in your mind anytime they see fit. Memories can be a source of joy, as well as pain, depending on your state of mind and life experiences.

Mom and me circa 1963

The memories I have of my mom have grayed with time. The same ones make their appearance as predictable as the changing of the seasons. Different stages of my life renew the fervor to retain the pictures in my mind, the voice, the body language, and unfortunately, the pain.

When I was a little girl in first grade, one of the most vivid memories I have was about a dress–and me not wanting to wear the dress. I left the house to walk a short distance to the bus stop. About half way down the street I stopped, eyes full of tears spilling down my cheeks, and turned to look back at my house. She was standing in the doorway. I can see her clearly in plaid bermuda shorts and matching blouse. I was close enough to hear her yell, "Cindy Jean, you get on down to the bus stop or I'm gonna spank you."

The rest of the story is a blur, but I don't remember a spanking so I must have obeyed. My dislike with some clothing was real or maybe it was a control issue. I was, and am, particular with the way clothes fit and feel. It can be a curse when looking for a specific item.

I've since learned I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Much has been written on this kind of personality trait, and I qualify without a doubt. It reaches into sounds, surroundings, and emotions, as well as physical. I don't think Mom cared much about my sensitivities that morning. I'm sure she didn't want me to miss the bus.

She had breast cancer so a lot of my memories involve hospitals and doctor offices, meds and recuperation. But in the midst of all she went through, I remember her smile and her belief that God was in control and she would be fine. I was naive and had no idea of the seriousness of her illness. I was five years old at the time of her diagnosis and they didn't give any details. All I knew was that we spent a lot of time in Charleston at the hospital, expecting her to come to the waiting room to see us.

Times were different in the late sixties and seventies. Facebook didn't exist so there was no sharing of her illness, no requests for prayer or support for family put out to 500 of my closest friends. Families were much more private and mine leaned toward a lock down on details shared. The only time I heard about it was on Wednesday night at church when her name was called aloud during prayer time.

She was brave and strong and it never occurred to me her days were finite. Her strength came from the God she loved. She put Him first in all she did.

Vacation in Washington D.C circa 1971

I never want to forget the sound of her voice, the laughter beyond the pain, or the way she loved her family. I want to remember her love of Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, and the way she would sing along to all their albums. She knew Every. Single. Word. And because she listened, so did I, and still do. I visited Loretta's home place in Butcher Holler while on a mission trip in Kentucky, and cried all the way through.

At times, I'd like to forget the arguments we had, the struggle she faced every day to walk, the pain and sorrow in her eyes, and the sight of my dad after she died. But those memories tell the complete story of who she was, and who I am. I don't ever want to forget the joy she brought to others, and the stability she gave to our home.

I spent many years of my life weighed down with unresolved grief. Children who suffered from the loss of a parent were often overlooked in that era. Hospice didn't exist and the needs of children were not met with intention as they are today. A memory would interrupt my thoughts regularly to remind me of all I'd lost. Other life experiences compounded my inability to grieve.

I'm thankful to share after forty years since her death, my demons have been laid to rest. My dreams are no longer the stage where she returned for a curtain call night after night. The tears upon hearing her name have dried to a trickle. For these things, I thank God. In His faithfulness, He brought me to a place of grief and acceptance. He held me closely as I relived the memories and put them in the proper place. Grieving allowed me permission to finally lay her to rest.

This year, I'll quietly celebrate her life, her influence and her legacy...through my memories.

If you've lost someone you love, keep your memories alive. Talk about your loss, share your stories, and don't forget to grieve. Don't waste precious time in the pit of loneliness and unresolved grief. Allow Jesus to mend your heart and restore your joy.

Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who Heals, promises to bring healing; even if it's forty years in the process.

Cindy

So What Happens Next?

How do you know you're doing the thing you were meant to do?

This is a question I ask myself frequently. As I've moved from one stage of life to the next, it's been clear...until now. I wonder how many others feel the same?

Early in life you transition from one stage to the next by traditions, expectations, personal desires, and need. Fear and her co-horts of the hows and whys do not occupy a large of the brain. The next thing seems natural and the destination is one you can grasp.

The years in the next life, the ones I call the empty nest, are not as obvious. Bodily changes, housing changes, social and emotional changes, crouch at your door. These years are filled with transition as you grapple with the fact that life is finite. You want to squeeze every last ounce of joy and fulfillment out of each day.

This is the place I find myself. My life was predictable and fulfilling...and then it wasn't. I am a homemaker, momma to two beautiful children, a wife to one. The children flew the nest and left me without a daily routine that was familiar. My years were spent as many of yours are now...in the car shuttling children to this and that, in the classroom, overseeing homework, pulling out my hair with discipline issues, on my knees, proms and soccer games, and a million other little things of insignificance. Very little, if any, time was spent on myself.

In the corner recesses of my mind though, there is the me, before life became about everyone else. Who is she, and what does she have to offer the world and her family?

There are many things I want to do. My creative side has its own vision of these remaining years, but my practical side has issues. What to do is the question that looms large and uncertain.

"These are the best of times and the worst of times..." Isn't that the way life is?

The one thing I know for sure is that God knows the plan He has for me. He knows my heart, He knows my gifts, my strengths, my weaknesses. And He will work it all for my good and His glory, because I love Him and trust Him.

As I seek Him, He will reveal one detail at a time when He's ready and not a minute before. He is faithful to care for me now as He did then. These years need not be wasted. I can face them with joy because of who He is.

Life transitions shouldn't be something to fear or dread. I'm in the place of great expectation. The next few years are uncertain at this point, but as I test the waters of creativity, I'm excited about the journey. He will hold me in the palm of His hand as I go and that's good enough for me.

Do you struggle with the big picture of life or are you a detail person? What are your hopes and dreams as you approach these in between years? I'd love to know I'm not alone in my thoughts. How has God directed you into a place of peace as the years roll along? Do tell in the comments. We can learn much from one another.

Cindy

How to Survive the Winter Months

Winter is not my favorite season of the year. I'll say that and get it out of the way. However, "there truly is a time for everything under the sun," as Solomon wrote in the Old Testament of the Bible. Surviving, and even thriving, during this time of the year can happen if you bring some intentionality to your daily life.

Here are a few of my recent activities that have brought joy to my gray skies:

1. Cooking and baking

There are many things about cooking that breed procrastination, dread, and frustration. Time, menu planning, shopping, and pleasing your diners are just a few. However, I've changed my attitude and it's made all the difference. Winter is the perfect time for comfort food during the many events surrounding the holidays, sports events and family gatherings. It's a great time to snuggle up to a roaring fire and peruse your favorite cookbooks. I love feeding people. I love meeting a physical need as well as providing a satisfying experience of fellowship around the table. Good food and conversation just go together.

2. Going to the library

As I've written before, my hometown didn't have a library when I was growing up. The bookmobile visited every two weeks and I was a regular customer. Libraries hold a special place in my heart, and they're completely free of charge. There's a world of discovery at your fingertips waiting for you at the local library. Movies, books, magazines, and newspapers await your pleasure. It's an excellent place to while away an hour or two...or four.

3. Cleaning, organizing, and decluttering

Call me crazy but I love this more than the average person. It's in my gene pool, I can't help it. If you could peer into the homes of my relatives, we all have this in common. We have the most fun sharing about our OCD tendencies with cleaning. Don't misunderstand me, my home is lived in and I want people to be comfortable more than anything. I just love a clean, uncluttered environment and the feeling of a day's work leaves me satisfied and complete.

4. Movie nights

This one is a stretch for me. I don't watch television except for Downton Abbey. This winter I've been watching classic movies checked out from the library. Again, completely free and a great way to spend a snowy afternoon or evening.

5. Coffee dates

This one speaks for itself. Good friends, good coffee and great conversation. Enough said.

6. Celebrations

This one is special to me. Both my children are adopted and we celebrate their coming home days. We call it their "Special Day." Each year is marked by a family dinner where we recall the miracle of adoption. I never want to forget the two happiest days of my life.

7. Visiting family

My birthplace and home of origin is in West Virginia. My family has dwindled to a few cousins and two aunts, one on my mom's side and the other, my dad's sister. I don't go home much but my heart will always reside in the hills of West Virginia. Winter is a slower season for me and I try to visit during this time. My people are the first ones who had an impact on me and know my roots. We share memories of a time in my life that remind me of who I am, where I've been, and how much I'm loved.

Well, this is my list. What do you do to survive and thrive in this season of life? Please share in the comments. New ideas are welcomed since we have a couple of months before spring arrives. I'd love to hear how you bring joy to your everyday routine.

Cindy

My Favorites...Online and Off

Now that a new year has begun and we've settled into the winter slump, I thought I'd share some of my favorite on-line hangouts, as well as a book or two.

I love listening to podcasts when I'm walking, driving, or any number of daily activities. Podcasts can be educational, enlightening, and most of all entertaining. The hosts become your virtual friends in this crazy, noisy world we live in today. Most of the ones I listen to have been recommended from bloggers I trust. Clicking on the titles will take you directly to the shows.

~My Favorite Podcasts~

Sorta Awesome with Megan Tietz 

This show has three co-hosts who rotate with Megan. They cover every topic under the sun from books, parenting, cooking, self-care, pop culture, and my favorite topic, personality types. They are fun, positive women in this R-Rated world we find ourselves in. You would not have to worry about young ears if they happened to be in the car with you or come into the room while you're folding laundry.

What Should I Read Next?

The newest podcast on my playlist has jumped to the #2 spot. The author of the popular blog, Anne Bogel, who writes at Modern Mrs. Darcy, just launched her own podcast on January 10th. If you love books and reading you'll want to subscribe. Her voice alone is worth the listen. It has a soothing quality that has me checking my downloads for new episodes. Her blog, as well as the podcast have the ability to entice a non-reader to make a trip to their local library. 

Personality Hacker

If you're interested in learning about personality types via Myers-Briggs, you'll love this podcast. It has taught me invaluable lessons about the wiring of my brain. I've been able to use the information in everyday living.

The Simple Show with Tsh Oxenreider

The Simple Show is another voice that speaks on many topics such as parenting, books, writing, and traveling, while striving to live a simpler, uncluttered lifestyle. She has excellent guests that help make this one of the top podcasts on the web. This is another kid friendly podcast.

~My Favorite Books of 2015~

2015 was a great year for books...but is there ever a bad year? Not for me. I could bore you with my endless list, but these are the ones that stood out and beg to be read again and again.

My number one book would have to be Wild in the Hollow by Amber C. Haines. Her writing is like medicine for my soul. She has a way of communicating through the written word that helped the broken places in my life find healing. She writes with authenticity and from the raw pain of God's redemption and restoration of her broken life. Her life is a testimony of God's faithfulness and love when we least expect or deserve it.

Simply Tuesday was released in August of 2015. I began reading it right away, but it's a book that needs to be read slowly and thoughtfully because of the nuggets of truth in every single page. The author, Emily P. Freeman, is one of the deepest thinking people I've ever encountered. In this, her fourth book, she writes on finding space for your soul to breathe. She calls us to a life of deep devotion to Christ, of sitting in His Presence, of being present in the ordinary days of life. I can't recommend this book with enough stars. But don't hurry through it, you don't want to miss a single word.

Another book on my favorites list that had me gushing about its content is Emily Whaley and her Charleston Garden. Emily and co-writer William Baldwin penned a lovely book about gardening, life in the south, and all things Emily Whaley. I loved this little book so much I drove myself to Charleston for the day to see the 30 x 100 foot patch of ground they wrote about. The private garden was alive and well many years after her death in 1988. She described life in the low country of South Carolina before it became a vacation destination. Her depiction of those years left me wanting to read more of this fascinating woman and her life in Charleston. 

I'll stop for now. You're either on overload from too much information, or you can't wait to check out these great books and podcasts.  

Until next time...

Cindy

Lessons from a Sheep...The Secret to Contentment

Do you know what it's like to live an "I want" lifestyle?

If you're not this kind of person, you know someone who is; the kind of person who is never satisfied with what they have or who they are.

We all have some degree of want in us. If we didn't, we'd lie around like fat cats all day waiting for our next meal to be presented on a silver platter.

God planted a seed of motivation in our DNA so we'd rise from our beds each morning and face the day, even when our want may have went somewhere else. There's another kind of want that leads to discontent, that usually leads to trouble, that leads to wandering...far.

I was reading in Jesus Calling, "Be content to be a simple sheep, listening to my voice and following me..."

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

He leads me beside quiet waters, 

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His names' sake.

Psalm 23:1-3

I've been in want in my life. There were times I didn't know where food and shelter were coming from, but He always provided.

There are few things the body and soul really need: clothing, shelter, love, and purpose.

Have you found yourself caught in the hustle of life, the hustle of more and better? Are you discontent in all you do, seeking the "I want" lifestyle and finding there is no peace, no satisfaction?

May I suggest the lifestyle of a simple sheep? There is quiet and calm, even when trouble is nearby. The Shepherd will care for your needs and you will never be in true want. He will make you lie down in green pastures and restore your soul.

I wouldn't mind a rest in a nice green spot, and a little soul restoration sounds mighty pleasant.

And then...He sets my wandering feet back on the right path. 

Life may not be easy, but there's peace, even in the midst of a storm. 

It begins with listening; taking the focus off yourself and your wants. The end result is your wants will be satisfied. He promised and He never breaks a promise. You'll wake up one day in the midst of that green pasture and realize your wants have changed, and it began with being a contented sheep.


Cindy