The Art of Saying No

Many years ago when my children were in Christian school, I did all the things. My hand went up for every field trip, every homeroom party, for both children, every avenue available to volunteer.

What was I thinking?

I wanted to be present for my precious children, yes, but there was pride involved too. That ugly five letter word. That word has tripped me up most of my life. I wanted to be THAT mom, the one with the title of Homeroom Mother, and I was for many of their growing up years.

Not only did I have my hands in the classroom, but I served on the school board, the PTA, the sports programs, and anything else coming down the pike.

During this same era, at this same school, I was asked to lead the Prayer Ministry. I was honored and the pride monster kicked me around for a few days as I tried to figure a way to add this to my growing resume.

Can we say burnout?

Something happened that got my attention. I knew I wasn't supposed to lead the Prayer Ministry, but my pride hovered in the gray areas of my thinking. Finally, I turned it down, and relief flooded my soul. While I am a praying woman, this wasn't the time for me and my relief was evidence I made the right decision. And wouldn't you know, the perfect person stepped up and volunteered. She was amazing and the ministry flourished.

That simple no taught me a valuable lesson, one I've had to repeat many times over the years. While it was a good and excellent thing, God didn't call me to the task. Just because it was a good thing didn't necessarily mean it was for me.

Getting at the heart of my busyness, I discovered a need to feel good enough. I was hiding behind the veil of works in an attempt to measure up to some Wonder Woman identity. In life, as in animation, that woman is fake. She is not so much dedicated to a greater cause, but her own. Ouch! That's not who I want to be. I wasn't created to be larger than life. John the Baptist said in John 3:30: "He (speaking of Jesus) must increase, but I must decrease." Good words to live by.

I've spent years reading and studying about my personality, my spiritual gifts, and all the ways God created me to use all for His glory and my good. There have been seasons of ministry and activities. I've also learned that saying "yes" to something is not a forever "yes."

As I've grown older, God has led me in new directions, new ministries, new activities. Saying no is difficult at times. I still have that pride thing following me around, reminding me of the rewards of being noticed for my busyness.

Because I'm a people pleaser, I think long and hard before saying yes. I would rather say no than to disappoint someone by doing a poor job, or taking on the responsibility and then quitting because it's too much. Also, I've held onto activities because I didn't want anyone upset with me. That has no benefit for anyone, because ultimately, resentment sets in, followed by bitterness.

So there's an art in setting boundaries, in allowing yourself to be choosy in how you structure your life. This kind of simplicity encourages me to seek the heart of God for everything presented to me. The one thing I can count on is He will lead me down the best path of living, one that joins my gifts and His plan for my life. And that is simplicity with a bow tied around it.

I'd love to hear what you think of simple living. Share in the comments if this is something you struggle with, or let us know how you've learned to say no.

Plan for a Simple Life

Simplicity is my goal for this year. The glaring question that begs to be answered is how do I get there? I can get caught up in the idea of a goal without actually making any progress toward it.

As I was walking recently, my mind was sorting all the ways of a simple life. The first thing, for me personally, is being aware of how I spend my time. We all have the same amount of minutes/hours in our day. How am I managing these precious ticks on the clock?

When I cram too many things in my day my soul feels a sense of hurry. Moving from one chore or appointment to the next puts my brain on overload. And when I'm on overload mode, I become edgy, impatient, and a not so nice person to be around. I need white space in my day to be present in all I'm doing. I struggle with finding balance. You too? I thought so.

Because I live in the country, 20-30 minutes from town, I try to combine errands into one day so I don't have to make numerous trips. Planning is required, and lists are never too far from sight. Checking things off my "to do" list is fulfilling. However, if something doesn't get accomplished, it goes on a list for another day.

My desire is to allow plenty of time for cooking at home, rest, and boredom. Yes, I want to be bored. A podcast I listened to recently said our brain is most creative when allowed the freedom to wander when we're bored. Working and writing from home allow flexibility to create the kind of day to stare out the window. Stories come alive while watching birds or fluttering leaves on the trees outside the window. Walking past cows along a country road is peaceful in a way that calms anxiety and infuses joy.

In Matthew 6:26-34, Jesus said, "Look at the birds of the field..." He also said to "Consider the lilies of the field." He was one of the busiest men on the planet, yet He implored his followers to slow down and grasp the wisdom found in simple things. He taught us how to live a stress free life if only we'd listen and apply His words. As a living example He made time to slip away to a quiet place to pray to His Father. How much more should we do the same?

Eliminating hurry reminds me to be present for the unexpected visit from a neighbor, a phone call from someone in need, or an impromptu coffee date.

As much as I love being available to those I love, I must also protect my working time. There are many things I enjoy, but work is important, and something I'm responsible for.

A simple life doesn't just happen. Every decision must be filtered through the lens of keeping it simple, because if I've learned anything at all about myself, it's that a complicated life steals my joy. I don't want to wake up one day with a heavy heart because of a lifetime of regrets.

So I plan and dream, stare out the window, take long walks, and my soul is refreshed to do the most important things in life. It helps me love simply, live simply, and serve simply, even on the busiest of days.

More to come on living simply...