When Peace Came in the Form of Change

I've been quiet in this space the last few months. Transition and I have been in a wrestling match. I think I can say I finally won.

Our home sold at the end of March. My address changed after more than nineteen years. I've been adjusting to a new environment, one completely different from the previous. Working on my book has also kept me occupied.

From this...

I wrote a post a couple of years ago about the dilemma of selling my house. It didn't seem possible at the time that this would become my reality, but it has.

After shedding buckets of tears, I can say it's a good thing. Life in a sub-division was exchanged for life in the country. I asked for quiet, and I got Q U I E T. Have mercy, it's heavenly. We're renting a house next door to property we own with the intention of building a much smaller house.

There is something exciting about starting over at this age. All the Pinterest saves will finally be more than just a dream. One of the best things about arriving at this stage of life is knowing myself, my decorating vision, and personal needs. Maybe you're in this stage too. I thought we'd live in my former house forever, my children would bring their children home for Sunday dinner and holidays, and life would end with me sitting on the porch with all that love wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

To this...

One of the speakers at a writing conference a few months ago shared a story about letting go of one thing for something better. She had no idea she was speaking to my heart. Since I was a young bride I held onto the dream of a forever house. I wanted to give my children the very thing that alluded me as an adult. Giving up that dream was difficult, but the right decision. Holding onto that material possession would've prevented me from the joy I've experienced.

Each morning I wake to the sound of cows in the neighboring pasture. Because we are on the lake, geese and various other birds are regular sights. Deer, bunnies, raccoons, and even armadillos are a familiar presence. A stray cat stands at the back door each morning waiting on me to feed her. The quiet sounds of nature sing over me as I sip tea from the front porch while the sun peaks over the horizon. Evenings are filled with sounds of owls hooting and doves cooing. In the distance a stray cow bellows as it finds its way back through the hole in the fence.

And this...

I would've missed the peace and simplicity of country living if I'd held onto a home that served us well, but was now a house too large for our present needs.

I'm thankful for the years we spent nurturing a family, hosting parties, sporting events, Bible studies, ladies groups, family celebrations, holiday events, and quiet nights on the back porch. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said it well in Ecclesiastes,
"There is a season for everything under the sun..."

He was right. There is a time for beginnings, and endings. We ended well. The next season is full of hope, a time for beginning again.

Whatever age or stage of life you may be in, change is to be expected. Solomon understood the rhythms of life and gave us permission to embrace every season under the sun. I don't want to hold onto something past its usefulness and miss the very best God has for me. Transition was gut wrenching at times, but worth every tear, every memory, every dream surrendered.

New dreams are on the horizon. And hopefully, my forever house will be as loved and used as its predecessor. It has a lot to live up to, but with time, family, and friends to share with, there's hope.

How do you process transition? Do you hesitate for fear of the unknown? I'd love to hear how you managed the waters of change. Leave a comment and share how you survived and lived to tell about a new beginning or a difficult ending. Your words of wisdom may help someone you've never met, or it may remind you to celebrate your success and blessings.

So What Happens Next?

How do you know you're doing the thing you were meant to do?

This is a question I ask myself frequently. As I've moved from one stage of life to the next, it's been clear...until now. I wonder how many others feel the same?

Early in life you transition from one stage to the next by traditions, expectations, personal desires, and need. Fear and her co-horts of the hows and whys do not occupy a large of the brain. The next thing seems natural and the destination is one you can grasp.

The years in the next life, the ones I call the empty nest, are not as obvious. Bodily changes, housing changes, social and emotional changes, crouch at your door. These years are filled with transition as you grapple with the fact that life is finite. You want to squeeze every last ounce of joy and fulfillment out of each day.

This is the place I find myself. My life was predictable and fulfilling...and then it wasn't. I am a homemaker, momma to two beautiful children, a wife to one. The children flew the nest and left me without a daily routine that was familiar. My years were spent as many of yours are now...in the car shuttling children to this and that, in the classroom, overseeing homework, pulling out my hair with discipline issues, on my knees, proms and soccer games, and a million other little things of insignificance. Very little, if any, time was spent on myself.

In the corner recesses of my mind though, there is the me, before life became about everyone else. Who is she, and what does she have to offer the world and her family?

There are many things I want to do. My creative side has its own vision of these remaining years, but my practical side has issues. What to do is the question that looms large and uncertain.

"These are the best of times and the worst of times..." Isn't that the way life is?

The one thing I know for sure is that God knows the plan He has for me. He knows my heart, He knows my gifts, my strengths, my weaknesses. And He will work it all for my good and His glory, because I love Him and trust Him.

As I seek Him, He will reveal one detail at a time when He's ready and not a minute before. He is faithful to care for me now as He did then. These years need not be wasted. I can face them with joy because of who He is.

Life transitions shouldn't be something to fear or dread. I'm in the place of great expectation. The next few years are uncertain at this point, but as I test the waters of creativity, I'm excited about the journey. He will hold me in the palm of His hand as I go and that's good enough for me.

Do you struggle with the big picture of life or are you a detail person? What are your hopes and dreams as you approach these in between years? I'd love to know I'm not alone in my thoughts. How has God directed you into a place of peace as the years roll along? Do tell in the comments. We can learn much from one another.

Cindy

When You Find Your Wings

Do you know anyone who didn't figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up till they were way past grown up? That would be me.

If you asked me that question when I was a little girl I would've said, " a mommy." I kept a doll in my arms until I was embarrassed for anyone to see me playing with them, and I can't even tell you how many times I ducked out of worship to hold real babies in the nursery at my church.

As I got older, my mom's dream for me was to work in a hospital as a lab or x-ray technician. We spent our lives in hospitals because of her cancer and I suppose she thought this was a wonderful opportunity for me. So, when someone asked what my plans for the future were, I'd look in my mother's eyes and say what she wanted to hear. I didn't know I had a choice.

And then she died when I was fifteen years old. Life changed and so did I.

Graduation happened before I knew it. Decisions were made with little thought and no input from any adults. I was accepted to a school with a journalism program, which is what I always wanted to pursue, but at the last minute, I changed my mind and went to a school with all my friends. As I said, there was no input from any adult. My school of choice, WV Tech, was a wonderful school. It's now part of West Virginia University. They didn't know what to do with me since they didn't have a journalism major so they enrolled me in the Printing Management major. Looking back, I should have gotten an English degree, but that was a different era and no one could foresee the future. I certainly didn't have a helicopter parent looking at my schedule either.

I left school after one year and married. We've been married thirty-seven years this past June.

I tell you all this because I'm wordy...I'm a back story kind of girl.

The first half of my twenties were spent in West Virginia on thirty acres in a little log cabin with horses, chickens, sheep and goats. I was happy as a clam except for the big hole in my heart where there were no babies. There was a sadness about me that only a woman that has experienced infertility knows. She's good at hiding her deep longing, tucked safely in bed at night or driving alone, then she and her Lord know.

The second half of my twenties were the complete opposite. We moved to the coast of South Carolina, Myrtle Beach for Pete's sake. Six months before, these words came out of my mouth, "it's a nice place to visit but I'd never want to live there."

Goodbye West Virginia, hello Myrtle Beach. God has a hilarious way of changing our plans and our attitude. We lived in a townhouse, adopted two beautiful babies from Guatemala, and made many lifelong friends. My heart and family was full.

Andy and Bailey

At the beginning of my thirties, we moved to the upstate of South Carolina and started a new life in a new house. We lived in that little house eight years and made wonderful memories and built more solid friendships.

We built our dream home in 1997, where we've spent eighteen years nesting. My beautiful children have flown from the nest and I've survived. We planted trees, bushes, gardens, flowers, and then woke up one day to shadows towering over the house. The road is no longer visible from the porch. The house is quiet, no footprints on the carpet. Familiar sounds are silent. A sign is in the yard foretelling of future owners. It's time.

Through all those years I've been home. If Andy or Bailey forgot something after they went to school, I took it to them. If a driver was needed for a field trip, they volunteered me because they knew I would go. I love to drive. If they gave out frequent driver miles, I'd win hands down. If cookies or a million other things were needed, I was that mom.

Our home of 18 years

When they left home a few years ago, I struggled to find my way. I didn't know what to do with my life without children to take care of. God has been so good and patient in helping me in the darkness. He has given me a voice through writing, a love I always had, but He's given me courage to pursue it and put my words out there.

He's also helped me uncover my creativity. It's been there all along but I stayed so busy with my to do list I wouldn't take time for creative outlets. He's given me courage to think outside the box which is monumental for me.

I'm finding my sweet spot at fifty something years old.

I've been buying and refinishing old furniture. My dream is to one day combine my love for tea and antiques and open some kind of shop. For now though, my garage is a workshop where I've spent countless hours, with a stiff back, sanding and staining.

I wouldn't change anything about my life. The most important accomplishment for me has been the two children who call me, "Mom." It's taken a lot of soul therapy to get to this place. God is faithful. I've learned that much about Him. He will keep His promises, ALL of them. He will satisfy your soul if you seek Him with all your heart.

Maybe you're like me and are facing an empty nest, or you're already there. Life goes on after children leave. It's completely different though, I can promise you that much. But I'm learning it can be good.

Life is a series of stages...but you have to know when to let go of one and embrace the next. The challenge is in the hand-off. Give yourself grace and time to explore who you are, who you were, and who you want to become. Until you draw your last breath on this earth, God is not finished with your life. There is someone you have influence over. Don't waste it.

Cindy

Memories Of The Heart

She says I ruined her childhood with
"Kelly Kids" clolthes

I was cleaning Bailey's room recently, preparing for overnight guests, when I opened her closet door. I've written before about my empty nest and how I've dealt with that so I was not expecting the tears. As I stood there in the midst of her belongings a flood of memories washed over me...her childhood stared back at me from floor to ceiling.

There were her cheerleading outfits–middle school and high school. A little white blouse hung on the rack, size 6, with "Bailey" embroidered on its Peter Pan collar. (Warning: never put your child's name on clothing in a visible location). Hanging in all their splendor, long forgotten prom and cotillion dresses, at one time the center of our lives as we sought the "perfect" dress. Now rarely noticed except by this momma.  

The Closet of Memories

There were books and puzzles and shoes to go with aforementioned dresses and various other things left behind when she moved. As I stood there thinking about her childhood, and the wonderful young woman she's become, I realized my tears were different than last year, I'm different. I gently shut the door and wiped away my tears.

My all time favorite prom dress

That's what God can do with our brokenness, our hurt, our pain. If we give it to Him, He can transform us, heal us and change us. He can take our memories and turn them into cause for joy.

I've tried to bury mine for so long and now that I've cleaned out the closet of my own personal memories,  I can finally begin to heal.

He wants to heal us and give us new memories...change us and transform the way we view ourselves, but more importantly, the way we see Him. He wants us to see Him as the way to life, real life, abundant life. It will change the way we do everything.

So, what does this mean for me? I'm slowly, but surely beginning to gently close the door on old memories.

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the Lord. 

Psalm 40:1-3

Peace and blessings,
Cindy

When the Nest Emptied...A Life Repurposed

Last year at this time I was wallowing in change. The empty nest had engulfed my home completely and I was in another pit of despair...another place of uncertainty.

My second born had moved out, but she visited often, especially the first year, spending nights at home so it didn't seem like she was gone. The second year was a little more difficult for she became a little more independent, and this was good. She needed this...she needed to spread her wings and see how far they would take her. And oh, they have taken her to heights I don't think she could have dreamed at her young age. Her daddy and I are so proud. She will finish her Masters in Education degree, in a couple of months with perfect grades thus far. Yes, we are proud!

Even though my children graduated from college at the same time, the poor job market kept my first born from finding a permanent job in his field of study. He wasn't able to move out when she did, so he was the buffer and delayed the onset of the official "Empty Nest." Eventually, he found an excellent job and began his move to independence.

Let me just tell you. I. Was. Not. Prepared. I thought I was handling it well. But something clicked inside me when he walked out with his Ingles bag of incidentals to spend the first night in his apartment. I know you're thinking I went to his room and bawled my eyes out, and you'd be right, but not completely...I also went to her room. I had a total meltdown for her...my baby. And for days after, I would go to their rooms and cry. It seemed life was over...my job was done...what more was there left for me to do?

My life had been devoted to my children since their adoption as babies. I saw them as gifts from God and poured everything I had into them. I was the mom whose hand went up when a volunteer was needed. My home was the one they brought their friends to socialize right on through college. When I dropped them off at school their last words to me were, "be the first one in line at pickup." So, don't you know I would arrange my day to be there for that, and a thousand other things. My husband was the same but men parent differently and, though he would miss them, he knew it was time.

But months later, deep in my soul, after God allowed me to wallow in myself, let my friends counsel me, sent me to Russia to learn to trust Him, He whispered into my heart..."what about Me? Now do you have time for Me? Have you ever thought to ask Me what I want you to do with the rest of your life?"

Once again He used the scripture, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

That got my attention and life has changed. He put me on a path of healing and wholeness, but it took getting still before Him and listening. He's given me a new purpose that reminds me daily there is life after the nest is empty. You happen to be reading one of the results of the change He's brought into my life. He can do the same for you. Seek Him for He wants to be found.

Blessings from My Little Corner,
Cindy

Seasons of Change

I wrote the following in my journal a few months ago as the beautiful fall months were upon us and I was in a melancholy mood. The past couple of years have been difficult in our family...seasons of change...illness, death, empty nest. I'd been doing a lot of "pondering," as I like to call it, thinking about change and how resistant we are to change. God, in His wisdom, inspired Solomon to write about it to give us direction when he said in Ecclesiastes 3:1:  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. NIV 

"My little friends are gone...my hummingbirds are gone...as if they're really mine I say. Well it seems as if they are. For six months or more they visit me like clockwork. They come to the feeder, hover and buzz and drink their fill of the life giving sweetness...they make themselves at home. Sometimes I think they study me as much as I study them. They don't seem to be afraid of me or bothered that we share the same space, in fact, they often hover nearby staring, as if trying to understand me.

It's an interesting bond I have with the hummingbirds. I didn't even realize my connection to this flying wonder until I came outside one morning this week and waited for our morning ritual. I realized they weren't coming...they were gone.

Before I knew it, tears were rolling down my cheeks. These tiny creatures had captured my heart, we'd become friends. We'd shared many mornings of tea and prayer, of birdsong and Beau, of flowers and ponderings and the planning of my day, and now they were gone.

I know the Bible says "There is a time for everything under the sun. There is a season for everything," and I believe every word that is written in His Word, but I sure do miss my little friends. The porch is too quiet. I miss their sounds, their activity, their presence. The hope of springtime to come is that they'll return and we'll pick up where we left off. I know I'll be waiting."

Spring is almost here and I'm readying myself for days spent in my flowers...more pondering while I wait for my friends to return. The melancholy mood has lifted for now and I have new purpose in my days.

I'm so glad there are seasons of life. I want to embrace each season with gratitude to the One Who gave it. Change isn't easy for any of us but there is One Who never changes and Who is always faithful to be there to help us through each changing season of our life and give us purpose and meaning.

Blessings,
Cindy