Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020!

        A new year, a new decade, the roaring twenties updated. I usually ponder the year just spent before moving ahead, it helps me put life in perspective.  

     2019 was a year of good things, sad times, and everything in between. I can see areas of growth in places I’ve struggled in the past. My desire for perfection has slowly been replaced with good enough, and the need to please people has lessened. Those are great strides for me, having lived most of my life in bondage to the whims and fancies of peoples’ expectations. That’s a lot of baggage to unload, and I don’t miss it one iota.

     2019 was a year of family togetherness, celebrations, Sunday lunches, Tuesday dinners, a wonderful vacation, and bonding with the granddogs. My family lost someone dear this year in the death of my cousin, Ruth. Her death left us shocked and saddened. There will always be a hole she filled with her love and kindness. The bonds of family are important to me, and I treasure time spent with those I love.

     I was blessed to lead a Bible study in the spring and fall, work in a ministry feeding the homeless and shut-ins, serve as secretary for the Foothills Writer’s Guild, and serve alongside women who have hearts for missions. I enjoyed playing hand bells and singing in my church choir. I don’t say all this to brag, but to say I’m thankful to be well emotionally and physically to do all the things I feel called to do. There was a time when I went through the motions of a happy life, but didn’t feel it. My smile was a mask that covered the turmoil within. 

     This was the year I became a published author with a collection of poetry, Breathings of My Heart. Exposure to great writers and the opportunity to take two poetry classes through Anderson University helped produce enough work to compile a collection. My healing continued as words from my heart found their way to the page. In all these things I give thanks to the One who has my life in the palm of His hand.

     As I look back on this year filled with many good things I realized it’s the simple things that mean the most. I’m thankful for special moments around the table with family and friends. Life isn’t always easy, but living is sweeter when shared with someone else. I treasure coffee dates, deep conversation, fellowship with my Bible study sisters, laughter about getting older, walking under a Carolina blue sky, front porch pondering, and the sight of cows and their calves. My passion for reading and learning was cranked up a notch in 2019. I’m thankful for new friends, and cherished friends of many years. I marvel at the beauty that surrounds me living the country life. The simplicity of a cup of tea as the sun rises reminds me of God’s mercies, new every morning. 

     A new decade is here, with new possibilities for serving and loving those around me. I pray blessings on you, my reader. I pray you know God this year in a deep and profound way that leaves you speechless at His goodness. Happy 2020!

What Does Your Home Say?

     One of my favorite Christmas movies is the 1994 version of Miracle on 34^thStreet. The movie centers on the Santa Claus, hired by Cole’s, the fictional department store that sponsors the yearly parade in New York City on Thanksgiving Day, and a little girl who must be convinced that Santa Claus is real. Near the end of the movie the main characters arrive at a charming house in the country. Susan Walker, the six-year-old daughter of Coles’ director of special events, runs inside to find a perfectly decorated home, complete with a tree covered in beautiful ornaments and tinsel, and Christmas presents stacked eye level. Her mother tells her this is their new home, as her eyes sparkle with delight. The house exudes warmth and the façade of a perfect life.

     

     My all-time favorite movie and its house is quite the opposite. Beaches was showing in theatres in January, 1989. We were in Charleston, South Carolina waiting for our daughter, who was arriving on a plane from Guatemala, making our family complete. Due to a delay, we had several hours before her appearance. The title of this movie beckoned us inside, unaware of the emotional wave about to hit. While the movie has a poignant ending, the friendship between the two main characters is sacrificial and faithful. The two friends retreat to a beach house as one of them prepares to die. This house is my vision of the perfect beach setting. The one-story cottage, with wraparound porches, draws me into the story, leaving me with the desire to sit, and breathe in life, even as death is lurking. Simple furnishings convey a laid back, homey feel.

     

     My choice in home atmosphere will always be simple living, rather than magazine worthy perfection. Natural hardwood floors that forgive footprints cast a golden glow. Long, bare windows invite sunshine to brighten the interior on cold, winter days. Spring breezes wafting through open windows are more appealing to me than heavily draped windows. 

     My desire is that guests are greeted by the luscious scent of freshly baked scones, and flowers that remind you of your grandma’s garden. A warm greeting will be remembered more than the first impression of a perfect room.

     The table decorations may be lovely, but is there lively conversation where you feel known and loved? Listening has more value than fussing with details in the kitchen, though details prepared beforehand speak volumes.

     What is the temperature of your home, and I don’t mean the degree you set your thermostat? Is it calm and peaceful, or loud and stressful? Our home has been all these conditions at one time or another, but I strive for calm and peaceful.

     If your children are still living in the home, are they comfortable inviting friends over? Is your home the “go to place,” or is it too much work hosting young people? 

     I can tell you from experience, my children won’t remember how the house looked, but they remember how our home made them feel. In a culture where children are often stressed over cultural issues, and the need to fit in, home should be a sanctuary from a troubled world.

     Are you present with your family members? Huddled together in the same room, each one’s attention buried in some form of technology is not being present. Conversation that involves listening and sharing communicates your presence, your availability. 

     We need to extend grace to one another, and remove the superficial tone of the perfect house, or life. The Biblical story of Mary and Martha sitting at Jesus’ feet is as current today as it was 2,000 years ago. Martha complained that Mary was lazy, and she was left to do all the work. Each of us can claim being Martha's or Mary's in a busy world.

     Jesus said, “Mary has chosen the better thing.”

     I want to choose the better thing as well. In a world of busyness, and the lust for perfection, I want to choose simplicity that breeds joy and freedom. I want my home to say, “Welcome, I’m happy you’re here.”

     The two houses mentioned in the beginning are very different from one another in both style and temperature. The Miracle on 34^thStreet house was a catalog home, decorated to sell Christmas. Life was make-believe until the new owners moved in. The Beaches house was filled with love, friendship, joy, pain, and grief. 

     Isn’t that what makes a house a home? The normal rhythms of life ebb and flow; seasons of pain and sorrow are followed by exuberant joy. As life happens, the good, and not so good, be sensitive to the atmosphere you allow. Pay attention to the subtle hints of your family and adjust the temperature to one of comfort and joy. It will cost you little in dollars, but the result is priceless.

The Simple Life of a Country Girl

2018 was a year of transition. Again. It was also a year of hard work, heartache, and joy. You could probably say the same. That’s the rhythm of life if you’re breathing. The joys are sweeter when we face adversity. 

We built a house this year. A farmhouse. I’m really hoping and praying this is my forever home. It was truly a labor of love, very different from the last house we built, lived in more than nineteen years, and raised our children in. At this age in life, the need to impress anyone is gone, and the desire to build something for a new season dictated our choices.

My theme for 2018 was Living Simply. I wrote several blog posts centered around this theme. Building a new home enabled us to embrace a simple and uncluttered floor plan. Now it’s time to live fully, without the stress of building, moving, and all the decisions that surround the process. 

View from the front porch

Until I moved to the country I didn’t understand how much I needed quiet. I couldn’t grasp the joy of the view from tall windows revealing deer grazing in the front yard, hungry birds crowding feeders, and sunsets that leave you speechless. I look forward to having tea on the front porch every morning as the sun comes up. The best things in life cannot be bought; they are experienced. The simple gifts of friendship, family, and service are given from God, who knows our deepest soul needs. He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. Living in the country has provided margin for me to recognize His gifts more fully.

I began an intentional journey toward a more simple life in January. My goal was to reduce the amount of clutter that claims my attention, but as I pondered the subject I realized it was more than the physical clutter that weighed on me. Emotional and mental clutter are more dangerous than the junk I’ve moved from house to house. Learning how to let go of this kind of baggage has allowed me to enjoy living in the present instead of being anxious about the future.

What will the next twelve months hold for me, and you? If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that life is full of surprises, some good, some not so good. But I believe I can trust the One who made the stars, sets the sun in the western sky, and loves us more than we could ever imagine. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” 

Welcome, 2019!

The Simple Life...Letting Go of Control

This has been a year of exploring what it means to live a simple life. Gone is the need to keep up with, or compete, with anyone. I'm working on the need to please people. I'm a life-long pleaser, and this one has been more difficult.

My search for simplicity has been a process of self-examination in learning how to let go of certain things, while clinging to others. Living in the country has helped me sort out the truly necessary from the trivial habits I've made for myself. I need quiet and margin in my life to achieve simplicity, and I can see the fruit of changing my way of living.

One of the most profound, yet simple actions, has been surrendering control over things I can't change. I'm not necessarily a worrier, but I do tend to project the end result of any number of issues..."if this happens, then this will probably follow," scenario. My brain creates all kinds of stories that will more than likely never happen; a recipe for stress.

I'm learning to accept life as it happens and leave the future, in the future. There are few things we ultimately have control over, and letting everything else go has brought peace.

There was a time I was so addicted to Major League Baseball, I'd get up in the middle of the night to check the scores. My heart would pound as I waited for the Atlanta Braves score to scroll across the bottom of my television. This was in the days before smart phones and instant everything. There wasn't a dad gum thing I could do about it but my anxiety level didn't comprehend that fact.

The weather, the economy, American politics, and especially certain people in my life will never be in my control. My responsibility is to love those I come into contact with, care for my family and home, and live every day in a way that pleases my heavenly Father. It's also my responsibility to use the gifts and talents I've been given to share my faith and point people to Jesus. Beyond that, I'm free to live simply; sit on the porch with a cup of tea, invite friends to share a meal, plant flowers and watch them grow, or serve the needs of others.

The possibilities are endless when you let go of the need to control. I recognize I will struggle with this because of wanting everyone to be happy. However, taking the first step in realizing this is not my job has brought freedom.

Each of us are responsible for how we choose to act or react to the people in our lives. And this, dear friends, is one of the secrets to my simple life.

The Art of Saying No

Many years ago when my children were in Christian school, I did all the things. My hand went up for every field trip, every homeroom party, for both children, every avenue available to volunteer.

What was I thinking?

I wanted to be present for my precious children, yes, but there was pride involved too. That ugly five letter word. That word has tripped me up most of my life. I wanted to be THAT mom, the one with the title of Homeroom Mother, and I was for many of their growing up years.

Not only did I have my hands in the classroom, but I served on the school board, the PTA, the sports programs, and anything else coming down the pike.

During this same era, at this same school, I was asked to lead the Prayer Ministry. I was honored and the pride monster kicked me around for a few days as I tried to figure a way to add this to my growing resume.

Can we say burnout?

Something happened that got my attention. I knew I wasn't supposed to lead the Prayer Ministry, but my pride hovered in the gray areas of my thinking. Finally, I turned it down, and relief flooded my soul. While I am a praying woman, this wasn't the time for me and my relief was evidence I made the right decision. And wouldn't you know, the perfect person stepped up and volunteered. She was amazing and the ministry flourished.

That simple no taught me a valuable lesson, one I've had to repeat many times over the years. While it was a good and excellent thing, God didn't call me to the task. Just because it was a good thing didn't necessarily mean it was for me.

Getting at the heart of my busyness, I discovered a need to feel good enough. I was hiding behind the veil of works in an attempt to measure up to some Wonder Woman identity. In life, as in animation, that woman is fake. She is not so much dedicated to a greater cause, but her own. Ouch! That's not who I want to be. I wasn't created to be larger than life. John the Baptist said in John 3:30: "He (speaking of Jesus) must increase, but I must decrease." Good words to live by.

I've spent years reading and studying about my personality, my spiritual gifts, and all the ways God created me to use all for His glory and my good. There have been seasons of ministry and activities. I've also learned that saying "yes" to something is not a forever "yes."

As I've grown older, God has led me in new directions, new ministries, new activities. Saying no is difficult at times. I still have that pride thing following me around, reminding me of the rewards of being noticed for my busyness.

Because I'm a people pleaser, I think long and hard before saying yes. I would rather say no than to disappoint someone by doing a poor job, or taking on the responsibility and then quitting because it's too much. Also, I've held onto activities because I didn't want anyone upset with me. That has no benefit for anyone, because ultimately, resentment sets in, followed by bitterness.

So there's an art in setting boundaries, in allowing yourself to be choosy in how you structure your life. This kind of simplicity encourages me to seek the heart of God for everything presented to me. The one thing I can count on is He will lead me down the best path of living, one that joins my gifts and His plan for my life. And that is simplicity with a bow tied around it.

I'd love to hear what you think of simple living. Share in the comments if this is something you struggle with, or let us know how you've learned to say no.

Plan for a Simple Life

Simplicity is my goal for this year. The glaring question that begs to be answered is how do I get there? I can get caught up in the idea of a goal without actually making any progress toward it.

As I was walking recently, my mind was sorting all the ways of a simple life. The first thing, for me personally, is being aware of how I spend my time. We all have the same amount of minutes/hours in our day. How am I managing these precious ticks on the clock?

When I cram too many things in my day my soul feels a sense of hurry. Moving from one chore or appointment to the next puts my brain on overload. And when I'm on overload mode, I become edgy, impatient, and a not so nice person to be around. I need white space in my day to be present in all I'm doing. I struggle with finding balance. You too? I thought so.

Because I live in the country, 20-30 minutes from town, I try to combine errands into one day so I don't have to make numerous trips. Planning is required, and lists are never too far from sight. Checking things off my "to do" list is fulfilling. However, if something doesn't get accomplished, it goes on a list for another day.

My desire is to allow plenty of time for cooking at home, rest, and boredom. Yes, I want to be bored. A podcast I listened to recently said our brain is most creative when allowed the freedom to wander when we're bored. Working and writing from home allow flexibility to create the kind of day to stare out the window. Stories come alive while watching birds or fluttering leaves on the trees outside the window. Walking past cows along a country road is peaceful in a way that calms anxiety and infuses joy.

In Matthew 6:26-34, Jesus said, "Look at the birds of the field..." He also said to "Consider the lilies of the field." He was one of the busiest men on the planet, yet He implored his followers to slow down and grasp the wisdom found in simple things. He taught us how to live a stress free life if only we'd listen and apply His words. As a living example He made time to slip away to a quiet place to pray to His Father. How much more should we do the same?

Eliminating hurry reminds me to be present for the unexpected visit from a neighbor, a phone call from someone in need, or an impromptu coffee date.

As much as I love being available to those I love, I must also protect my working time. There are many things I enjoy, but work is important, and something I'm responsible for.

A simple life doesn't just happen. Every decision must be filtered through the lens of keeping it simple, because if I've learned anything at all about myself, it's that a complicated life steals my joy. I don't want to wake up one day with a heavy heart because of a lifetime of regrets.

So I plan and dream, stare out the window, take long walks, and my soul is refreshed to do the most important things in life. It helps me love simply, live simply, and serve simply, even on the busiest of days.

More to come on living simply...

2018...A Search for Simplicity

Can it be a new year already? Seems like we just celebrated the Fourth of July holiday, then put up the Christmas tree the next day. Maybe I fell into an autumn coma from too much pumpkin spice. However it happened, 2018 is here.

The last couple of years I've been focusing on improving daily living. 2017's theme of Rest, Renewal, and Repurposing kept me aware of how I was living in the day to day, picture window of life. At any given moment of the year those three words reminded me to prioritize the disciplines that keep me healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Glancing back over 2017, there were more successes than failures.

I love the turn of the calendar from one year to the next. Being a recovering perfectionist, this gives me an opportunity for do-overs. Maybe you can relate.

These days life is lived at warp speed and my DNA doesn't register speed, except when I'm behind the wheel of my car. My brain is designed to think, ponder, then think some more. Our culture has adapted to insta everything, a struggle for me.

There have been years where I questioned my purpose after the nest emptied. I thought life was hollow without children in and out on a daily basis. God has shown me, in His time, how wrong I was and how He'd like my days spent.

My pattern for most of my adult life was to immerse myself in activities and ministries because there was a need. Before I could even think the words, "what have I done?" life was out of control.

Our life is frittered away by detail...Simplify, simplify." 

Henry David Thoreau

I'm worn from the speed and intensity of our present culture. As this new year begins to take shape, the word simplicity keeps landing in a place of importance. What does this mean for me and my family?

The root of the word simplicity is simple. Meriam-Webster gave several definitions, but the one I connected with says: The state of being simple, uncomplicated, or uncompounded.

These quotes, found in The New American Roget's College Thesauarus, capture the essence of simplicity.

"Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on simplicity." 

Plato

How much simpler our lives would be if our choices for living were based on beauty of style, harmony, grace, and good rhythm. The flow of the words alone cause my heart to slow, my brain to relax, and the anxious thoughts in my mind to come up for air. 

My soul craves time for simple, uncomplicated connection with God and those around me. I long for days of boredom. The best me I can give in service is the me who comes from a simple, uncomplicated life. I'm all about purpose and achievement, but not at the expense of my soul. At the end of the day, if I've poured out my life in pursuit of the standard of the world, my soul will be empty. A simple life allows me time to soak in the beauty, harmony and grace of the One who made me. Without the rhythm of life he designed me to flourish in, life is complicated and full of uncertainty.

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." 
                                                                    Albert Einstein

2018, I look forward to finding simplicity in the unexpected moments, the stolen blocks of time, and the joy of living out His purpose for me.