The Art of Saying No

Many years ago when my children were in Christian school, I did all the things. My hand went up for every field trip, every homeroom party, for both children, every avenue available to volunteer.

What was I thinking?

I wanted to be present for my precious children, yes, but there was pride involved too. That ugly five letter word. That word has tripped me up most of my life. I wanted to be THAT mom, the one with the title of Homeroom Mother, and I was for many of their growing up years.

Not only did I have my hands in the classroom, but I served on the school board, the PTA, the sports programs, and anything else coming down the pike.

During this same era, at this same school, I was asked to lead the Prayer Ministry. I was honored and the pride monster kicked me around for a few days as I tried to figure a way to add this to my growing resume.

Can we say burnout?

Something happened that got my attention. I knew I wasn't supposed to lead the Prayer Ministry, but my pride hovered in the gray areas of my thinking. Finally, I turned it down, and relief flooded my soul. While I am a praying woman, this wasn't the time for me and my relief was evidence I made the right decision. And wouldn't you know, the perfect person stepped up and volunteered. She was amazing and the ministry flourished.

That simple no taught me a valuable lesson, one I've had to repeat many times over the years. While it was a good and excellent thing, God didn't call me to the task. Just because it was a good thing didn't necessarily mean it was for me.

Getting at the heart of my busyness, I discovered a need to feel good enough. I was hiding behind the veil of works in an attempt to measure up to some Wonder Woman identity. In life, as in animation, that woman is fake. She is not so much dedicated to a greater cause, but her own. Ouch! That's not who I want to be. I wasn't created to be larger than life. John the Baptist said in John 3:30: "He (speaking of Jesus) must increase, but I must decrease." Good words to live by.

I've spent years reading and studying about my personality, my spiritual gifts, and all the ways God created me to use all for His glory and my good. There have been seasons of ministry and activities. I've also learned that saying "yes" to something is not a forever "yes."

As I've grown older, God has led me in new directions, new ministries, new activities. Saying no is difficult at times. I still have that pride thing following me around, reminding me of the rewards of being noticed for my busyness.

Because I'm a people pleaser, I think long and hard before saying yes. I would rather say no than to disappoint someone by doing a poor job, or taking on the responsibility and then quitting because it's too much. Also, I've held onto activities because I didn't want anyone upset with me. That has no benefit for anyone, because ultimately, resentment sets in, followed by bitterness.

So there's an art in setting boundaries, in allowing yourself to be choosy in how you structure your life. This kind of simplicity encourages me to seek the heart of God for everything presented to me. The one thing I can count on is He will lead me down the best path of living, one that joins my gifts and His plan for my life. And that is simplicity with a bow tied around it.

I'd love to hear what you think of simple living. Share in the comments if this is something you struggle with, or let us know how you've learned to say no.